How to wean your baby? Mom has a trick

After nearly two and a half years of exclusive breastfeeding, under my patient guidance, Momo was finally able to stop breastfeeding completely and painlessly. Actually, it can't be considered completely natural weaning, because I used some little tricks, but I really managed to wean him off breastfeeding without him crying for a single moment, so it can be considered a natural way of weaning!

Prepare your child for weaning

Everyone must be thinking, how do I know when my child will be ready? So my approach is to help him prepare instead of forcing him to "accept" the result. Do you understand what I mean? That is to say, I have to prepare him mentally for not drinking milk, and then use guidance to let him decide or accept not drinking milk, instead of simply not allowing him to drink milk.

Therefore, I divide the process of weaning into several stages: the incubation period, the preparation period, and the weaning period.

Brewing period

Let’s talk about the gestation period first!

Momo started eating complementary foods when he was over 4 months old, but he didn't eat well until he was around 10 months old when we gave him solid food. He started eating all three meals with us when he was about one and a half years old. We also usually give him fresh milk, so breast milk basically only has a soothing effect.

Breastfeeding mothers must feel very much about this. Breast milk is really useful. No matter if the child is in a bad mood, falls and is in pain and can't be coaxed, wants to sleep but can't sleep well, in short, as long as the child cries, the mother just needs to lift up her shirt and take out the milk for him to see, and he will immediately burst into laughter, and instantly turn from a big devil into a little angel. But because of this, it is even more difficult for children to quit~

Therefore, the first step in the incubation period is to stop the baby from receiving soothing milk. If the baby needs to drink milk to take a nap, it is okay to suck milk first. The main thing is to stop the baby from receiving other emotional soothing. Of course, this must be based on the fact that the baby can already eat three meals a day normally and no longer rely on milk as the main food or as a side dish.

For example, when Momo was about one year old, I didn't tell him not to ask for milk, but if he was in a bad mood, I would take the initiative to give him milk (in the past, I would coax him for a few minutes, but if he still cried, I would be reluctant to do so and then give him milk because it was fast and effective). Later, because he was older and more communicative, I would use verbal comfort when he was in a bad mood, and use other things to divert his attention.

What mothers should do: Don’t wear clothes that are too revealing so that he will want to drink milk when he sees me. (No joke, if I wear a low-cut vest at home, Momo will sometimes keep looking at me, then stare at me and giggle, and then run over and say he wants to drink milk, so it’s safer to wrap him up)

Don't give him milk actively or ask him if he wants milk!

What is mentioned here is not about the bedtime. During the day, except for the nap, mothers should not be nosy and ask him if he wants to drink. You can even try not feeding him if he wants to sleep but does not ask for milk or cry. Because I sometimes go out for classes or work, Momo can actually take a nap without milk. (According to Moba, he fell asleep because he was tired from playing)

For example, our family has always used "奶" to represent breast milk, and fresh milk is "fresh milk" or "milk", so there will be no misunderstanding. If your family uses the same term for milk and breast milk, please correct it from now on! This way, for example, when you want to ask him if he wants to drink fresh milk, he will be less likely to misunderstand or associate it with breast milk.

Of course, these may not be accomplished in one or two days, and there is no need to deliberately require the child not to drink or ask for milk. What I do is not to ask or give milk actively, but if he asks for it, I will still give it to him. Then I will secretly use some tricks to make him drink less. For example, as a mother, I always know from the child's behavior that he is about to ask for milk again. So before he starts asking for milk, I will quickly divert his attention by reading storybooks, playing with toys, etc., and slowly reduce the amount of milk he drinks from 5 times a day to 3 or 2 times, and finally reduce it to only milk before bed.

In fact, as soon as I did this, I felt like I was in heaven. I never thought about going a step further to stop him from drinking milk at night. At that time, I sincerely thought that it was a great blessing for him not to ask for milk during the day.

Mothers must persist, especially if the child gets sick during the weaning period, it is easy to fail. Although I think it doesn't matter, you can just start over again later, or really wait for the child to wean naturally because he doesn't want to drink anymore. But if you are determined to do it, try not to change it frequently, otherwise the child will easily be confused.

So this period lasted for nearly half a year.

When Momo was almost two years old, I started to think about whether or not to stop him from drinking milk at night. However, I didn’t want to use drastic methods as I didn’t want to cause him any psychological trauma. I also felt that breast milk was a habit, but not a bad habit, so there was no need to use strong methods to ask him to stop. Besides, breast milk was a wonderful thing for him, and it seemed cruel to force him to stop. So after doing a lot of homework, I decided to wait until he was ready before stopping breast milk.

As for waiting for him to be ready, of course I can't just wait foolishly for him to suddenly say "Mom, I don't want to drink anymore!" That might take forever, so I decided to guide him in a step-by-step manner.

Preparation period

1. Brainwashing: I tell him every day that he is grown up and doesn’t need milk to sleep, and then ask him if he wants to try to fall asleep by himself. He nods and says yes every day, but when I tell him to go to sleep, he immediately comes over and points at my milk and asks for milk = =

(Because I have seen an example shared by a mother online where she asked the child every day, and one day the child suddenly said he didn’t want to drink anymore, so I foolishly thought that just asking every day would be enough, but I found that Momo was too difficult to deal with, so I extended the guidance method below)

2. Nagging: When he is drinking milk, I keep reminding him that he doesn’t need to drink milk to sleep, and let him let go when he is about to fall asleep. Usually I say, “Momo has grown up and doesn’t need to suck milk to sleep. Let’s drink for a while and then let him go, okay?” “Momo is great, he can fall asleep by himself, if he has had enough milk, just let go by himself!” (It is difficult at the beginning, he will definitely not let go on his own, but just before he falls asleep, I keep telling him that he can let go~ Even if he really falls asleep after drinking, I have to keep brainwashing him), when I want to guide him to open his mouth, I will also say, “Okay, you can let go, Momo can open his mouth and sleep by himself!” "Then gently insert your finger under his tongue a little bit, and he will naturally open his mouth. At this time, he may cry and ask for more. It's okay, just give him the milk, but repeat the above steps again. (Of course, you don't have to be so tired at the beginning. You may try two rounds a day, and then continue to feed him to sleep, but remember to continue brainwashing him every day + nagging him. If you have the perseverance, keep repeating it)

I was doing pretty well at this stage, maybe because Momo doesn’t like being nagged~ (Will anyone like that? XD)

This went on for about a week. At the beginning, he would drink milk before going to bed every day, but as soon as he was about to fall asleep, he would let go by himself when I told him to, and then turn over and sleep with his back to me. Later, after I sucked milk for a few minutes, he would let go by himself and turn over to sleep. Occasionally, if he sucked too long and I told him to let go, he would let go immediately.

Officially stop breastfeeding and sleep

Pre-sleep rituals/re-cultivating "sleep patterns"

Everyone must have heard of the so-called "bedtime ritual", which means doing the same thing every day before going to bed, so that the child will get used to this routine; I learned about the bedtime ritual too late, and as a result, I developed the habit of sucking milk as my bedtime ritual. This is also why breastfeeding mothers must breastfeed their children before they can fall asleep, because they have become "accustomed" to this pattern.

Since he is going to stop drinking milk, of course he needs to develop different sleeping habits. So I would also suggest that if someone already has a bedtime ritual, make some distinctions between the original one and not make it too similar. For example, if it was bath → tell a story → drink milk → sleep before, then don’t continue the bath → tell a story process. For example, I changed the bathing routine to take a bath in the afternoon, and I don’t tell a story before bed. This way, he naturally won’t make the connection between taking a bath and listening to a story and then drinking milk.

At the beginning, we wanted him to adjust his sleep and rest schedule, and we also wanted him to develop the habit of going to bed early and getting up early, so we stopped him from taking a nap.

Because I didn’t take a nap, I felt tired very early in the evening. There were times when I even fell asleep while sitting before I could even ask for milk (of course I still got up to ask for milk in the middle of the night). But firstly, I no longer had a nap, so I naturally gave up the nap after feeding in the afternoon. I only had to give up the nap after feeding at night, which was easier.

My first method was to turn on the TV for him to watch when he looked tired and about to fall asleep (although watching TV is not good, for me it is easier to quit than feeding him to sleep, and basically he was already daydreaming, so he didn't watch it seriously at all)

Take him to his room half an hour before going to bed every night (don’t tell him that he is going to sleep because the child will resist, or associate it with drinking milk before going to bed, so just say that he is going to the room to watch TV or play with toys). I didn’t say that he is going to read a storybook because he used to read a storybook before going to bed, and I was afraid that he would read the storybook, drink milk and go to sleep continuously, so I replaced it with something else.

Brush his teeth first after entering the room. If he is watching TV, I will let him brush his teeth while watching. If he is playing with toys, I will tell him to brush his teeth first and then play. Then I try to do relatively static activities to create a sleeping atmosphere. Since he didn’t take a nap, his battery is almost out of power. I can also hold him and sing some songs, pat his back, and he will fall asleep quickly.

Don't play with him, as it is easy for him to get more and more excited while playing. Just let him play quietly by himself. If he asks you to play with him, just play with him perfunctorily without too many words, expressions or actions, and don't keep urging him to lie down and sleep.

For example, at first I let him watch TV, and later I let him lie on me to watch TV or listen to a story machine, and then I scratched his back with a certain rhythm and frequency. It was a bit like hypnosis. On the one hand, lying on me would make him feel safe, and on the other hand, the rhythm of scratching his back (or sometimes patting his back) would make it easier to fall asleep.

It is not difficult to make him fall asleep without milk in this way, because he will fall asleep by himself if he is too tired without taking a nap, but he will definitely wake up in the middle of the night to ask for milk. At first, I will still give it to him, but I will still follow the same nagging method as before. Even if he is half asleep, I will still tell him to drink for a while and then let him go! Because I have brainwashed him before, even if he is still asleep, I will let him go after he sucks for a while and I ask him to let go, and he will still obey the rules and continue to sleep.

After a few days, he basically slept well at night and woke up in the morning to ask for milk. At first, I thought he would want to continue sleeping in the morning, so I still gave him milk, but I found that he was reluctant to let go and sucked for a very long time, and he didn’t seem to want to continue sleeping. So I simply got him up for breakfast. After two or three days of this, I realized that sucking milk had been removed from the sleeping mode, because he knew that he didn’t drink milk when he slept, and drinking milk became a waking mode = =. In the next few days, when he woke up in the morning, I directly guided him and said, let’s have breakfast, and took him to the living room, away from the bed that would make him want to drink milk. Maybe it was because the waking up mode had not been completely established, or maybe he liked to eat breakfast more. In short, the situation of getting up in the morning to drink milk improved.

After that, every day was very normal and regular. He would go to the room to brush his teeth before going to bed, watch TV or play with toys, lie on his stomach and pat his back (scratch his back). Occasionally, he would ask me to sing "Baby to sleep" to him, and then fall asleep. After he got up in the morning and didn't drink milk, even if he woke up and cried in the middle of the night, I would not feed him. I would first judge according to the size and condition of his crying. Usually, if he cried softly, I would pretend that nothing was wrong and would not even turn over or turn my head. He would stop and continue to sleep within about a minute. If he cried louder like he had a nightmare, or cried for more than a minute, I would move him to lie slightly on his side, then scratch and pat his back, and repeat the actions he took to fall asleep, and he would fall asleep again in about a few minutes.

The most amazing thing is that when he used to sleep with milk, he would keep waking up in the middle of the night and crying loudly. He would not be able to fall asleep again without milk, and would only cry more and more crazily until he woke up completely and continued to cry madly (that's why he could only continue to sleep with milk). After he stopped sleeping with milk, he woke up less and less often in the middle of the night, and basically he could sleep for at least 6 to 8 hours. Sometimes he woke up 1 to 2 times in the whole night, or even slept until dawn. When he cried in the middle of the night, it was just a small cry, and he no longer cried loudly like before. Overall, I think his sleep quality has really improved a lot.

Important reminders for mothers who are preparing to stop breastfeeding

Key point 1: Because babies fall asleep mostly due to their dependence on their mothers and a sense of security, during the period of weaning off breastfeeding, I accompanied him to sleep every day, from the time I coaxed him to sleep until he woke up in the morning. Unlike before when I would immediately go about my own business after coaxing him to sleep, during this period I put aside all my own affairs, including housework and writing, just to make him feel safe enough. Even if he wakes up in the middle of the night, his mother will be by his side and will not leave. He must first have this sense of security so that he can sleep peacefully without breastfeeding.

(Several times I found him sitting up in the middle of the night, looking at me, and then lying down again to go back to sleep)

The second point is to stop letting him see me changing clothes: Mothers who have been breastfeeding for a long time should all have felt this: when a child sees it, his eyes light up. Now that I have quit, I should not let him see it again, lest he be reminded of the good old days and start to miss it again.

Key point three: In the early stages of weaning, mothers must also adjust their mentality. Although it is a gentle weaning process, when the child cries occasionally, there will still be a fleeting thought of comforting him. However, if the child has gradually accepted not drinking milk, and you give it to him again, it will confuse him. Therefore, mothers should stick to the principles when weaning and use hugs to comfort their children more often.

Especially if a child happens to be sick, it is very likely that the method will fail. Although from my point of view, I think that if the method fails, you can just start over again, because the child will definitely quit drinking one day as he grows up. But I have to say that if the method you tried before fails, it will be more difficult to start over again, and the child will not understand what is going on, why he can drink it sometimes and not the next.

Key point 4: Don’t make any other changes in your child’s life while he’s weaning. In short, any things that require him to readapt should only be done one thing at a time. Don’t think about helping him wean off breast milk and also weaning him off diapers. If you make too many changes in his life at once, the child will be scared and more likely to fail.