First learn to listen to your child, then he will be obedient

The world of children needs the protection of adults. When children encounter difficulties, they need someone to listen to them. Only by patiently listening to what children say in their hearts, will they listen to adults obediently. There is a method to teach children.

However, no matter how well-intentioned the parents' preaching or reasoning is, to their children, it is just beautifully packaged criticism and blame, which does not contribute to the actual effectiveness of their education. At best, it only relieves the parents' anxiety and satisfies their enthusiasm for education.

For example, when a child forgets to bring his homework home, his parents worry about his carelessness, so they start talking about his homework and end up talking about his housework, from his careless attitude to his intentional behavior. Although they only persuade, warn, and explain the big picture, and don't yell at him, criticize, or teach him, every word points directly to the child's fault, causing the child, who originally still felt remorseful, to quickly build up a defensive mentality and close his ears, refusing to listen anymore.

For example, when a child talks about how a classmate's behavior is excessive, parents will never forget to remind the child to "see the bad behavior and reflect on oneself": "Can you do better than him? Can you avoid being like him?" Parents always like to bring other people's problems back to their children, making inexplicable analogies between him and others. Maybe they just want to give their children a chance to educate them, but the children who were happy to share with their parents immediately feel bored and shut up.

In fact, when children start talking to their parents about other people's affairs, parents only need to focus on other people's problems, so that both parents and children can freely communicate their views and ideas because "it's none of their business". Even if children take the initiative to ask parents for help and want to know how to solve the problem, parents should first listen to their children's ideas, fully accept and empathize with their children's emotions, and then provide their own opinions for their children to refer to, and never restrict or criticize their decisions and choices. Such relaxed communication and discussion without putting pressure on children will make children more likely to accept their parents' ideas and suggestions.

Therefore, parenting is not about what parents say to their children, but what the children are willing to listen to and accept. Before children are expected to be obedient, parents should first learn to listen to them, put down the burden of "instilling correct concepts in children" and "correcting their wrong ideas", and replace "reasoning with children" with "listening to what children say". Only then can parents' parenting be helpful to their children.