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A child's character affects his whole life, so when is his character formed? What can parents do during this critical period? When is a child's personality formed? The 3-6-year-old preschool period is usually called the "wet cement" period. This is the most important stage for the formation of a child's personality. 85%-90% of the child's personality, ideals and lifestyle are formed at this stage. Parents hope that their baby will become a happy, confident and popular person, but these traits will not appear just because of the parents' "hope". In most cases, they need the attention and cultivation of parents. The 7-12-year-old is the "solidifying cement". At this time, 85%-90% of the child's personality has been formed. And he still needs the continuous support of adults to consolidate the self-confidence that has been established in order to cope with the impact of the upcoming adolescence. During this period, due to the increasing academic pressure, study habits are being formed, and children are eager to try to be independent, trying to gradually break free from the constraints of their parents in terms of thought, and are also more susceptible to the influence of the media and peers. Therefore, parents' attention is particularly needed. What behaviors of children remind parents to actively guide their children Bad mood Children aged 7-12 are trying to be independent. They often test their limits and easily get into arguments at home or school. When they are sad and frustrated, their most direct reaction is to lose their temper. In fact, what children need to know is: if they don’t express their inner troubles and depression by screaming or losing their temper, how else can they express it? We should vigorously advocate healthy ways of expressing emotions. "Emotional trash cans" and "balloon exercises" are widely used. At the same time, the "emotional traffic light" technique is also encouraged. Children can also learn how to calmly look at the irrational thoughts in their minds and seek effective communication to solve problems. Lack of confidence Many parents of shy children have had this experience: when they are at home, their children are loud, dancing, singing and dancing, but once a stranger comes, the children seem to be a different person. The most embarrassing situation is that they refuse to say hello to the elders, or if the kind uncles and aunts want to tease them, they immediately become a curled-up hedgehog. In fact, shy children are not shy all the time. Their shyness is mostly only shown in unfamiliar environments or in front of strangers. We now know that children of any temperament can become successful. Shy children are usually quiet and abide by the rules. But it is undeniable that shy children feel nervous and afraid of unfamiliar environments and things. Their "safe zone" is small, so they adapt slowly and take a long time; due to the lack of opportunities for public performance, they rarely get the attention of the school and peers; because they don't like to fight, they often lose many opportunities; more importantly, in this fast and fierce competitive era, shy children will inevitably have inferiority complex, thus doubting their self-image... These are the reasons why parents need to pay attention. The shy child must first know that he is not so "different". Compared with his peers who are active in public, he just needs more time to get into the state. Although he is willing to go out to play, he does not want others to "watch" him. The feeling of being put in the "spotlight" can only make him more uncomfortable. He needs to know how to fight for and grasp his rights in certain situations; he also needs to understand the specific methods and techniques of public performance. These methods cannot be just empty talk, but need to be experienced in detail to guide him in every embarrassing dilemma. Difficult homework The reason why this problem is particularly troubling for parents is not only from the children themselves, but more likely from the constant pressure from the school. Children who dawdle and play while writing are exhausted, and parents lose all patience. From the perspective of child development psychology, 7-12 years old is a critical period for protecting and developing a "sense of diligence". Learning to manage one's own homework tasks is the main channel for primary school students to cultivate a "sense of diligence". If children have difficulties in completing homework, in addition to intellectual factors, cognition, and dyslexia, the more common situation is that children have not developed good homework behavior habits. In the EQ training class of the bucktooth rabbit, children will learn how to divide the types of homework and arrange the priority of completion; how to plan homework time and master time management skills. They will also set their own academic goals with the help of trainers, and ensure that this goal is clear and feasible in the short term. Successful experiences will bring children self-confidence, and self-confidence will increase children's motivation to learn, thus forming a virtuous circle. Not sociable Children aged 7-12 begin to crave friendship, and the school and classmates have a growing influence on them. The recognition they need to strengthen their self-confidence comes more from their classmates. If a child only hates school because of his grades, he will not hate school. But if the child has no friends on campus, or is constantly in conflict and excluded, it is likely to lead to a dislike for school. "Not fitting in" is a signal that parents of children of this age need to be particularly vigilant about. Experts firmly believe that good interpersonal relationships and social skills can be learned. In the emotional intelligence training of bucktooth rabbit children, the methods involved in this part are quite specific: how to communicate effectively, the choice when facing rejection, the meaning of sharing, how to achieve a win-win situation, how to deal with ridicule, how to stick to my position, etc. The influence of family on children's personality 1. Parenting style: (1) If parents’ upbringing is more democratic, their children will be independent, bold, clever, good at interacting and cooperating with others, and have analytical thinking skills; (2) Parents are too strict and often beat and scold their children, which makes their children stubborn, cold-blooded, obstinate, or lack self-confidence and self-esteem; (3) When parents overindulge their children, they become willful, lack independence, become emotionally unstable, and become proud; (4) Parents are overprotective of their children, which makes them passive, dependent, silent, and lacking in social skills; (5) When parents have different opinions on parenting, children will be more alert, try to please both sides, and be prone to lying and taking shortcuts; (6) When parents raise their children in a dominant manner, the children will become obedient, dependent, and lack independence. 2. Family atmosphere: Generally, a harmonious family atmosphere with mutual respect, mutual understanding, and mutual support in career and life has a positive impact on children's personality. On the contrary, quarrels, estrangements, suspicions, and even broken relationships between parents (divorce or death of parents) will lead to a high rate of juvenile delinquency. 3. Family structure: Studies have shown that children from two-generation families are better than children from three-generation families in curiosity, persistence, peer prestige, relationships with others, and attitude towards work. This is mainly related to factors such as the doting of grandparents in three-generation families. 4. The status of children in the family: In my country, where only children are common, if we do not pay attention to the conscious training and education of only children, it is easy for them to develop bad character traits such as willfulness, indifference to others, and selfishness. What should parents do during their children's character formation period? First, when dealing with crying, we cannot simply satisfy the request or stop it rudely. Happiness, anger, sorrow, joy, fear, etc. are all normal emotional expressions given to humans by nature. We need to be patient to feel the crying of children, instead of blindly telling them "don't cry, don't cry", which is a very big mistake. Crying is the release of his inner contradictions and conflicts, which is not a bad thing. Adults just need to hug him gently and stroke his back. Once a baby of a few months old cries, we often rush over in a hurry while saying "I'm coming, I'm coming". This is not good, and the child will develop a mentality of controlling adults. We should say in a relaxed and gentle tone: "Are you hungry? Mom is here"; once the child struggles and cries to refuse something, we should use a compromising voice "Oh oh oh, don't want it if you don't want it", but in fact we should say in a gentle tone: "Okay, don't do it now, let's wait a while... (do something)". Don't let the child think that he can control adults with crying and do whatever he wants. Many times, the implementation of educational methods requires good observation and summary, rather than generalization. Second, aggressive behavior is a necessary growth process for most children. Most children between the ages of two and three often hit others. Adults should never say "Don't hit others" or "Why are you hitting others again?" This will not work. This makes the child think that this action can attract the attention of adults, and the hitting action will appear more and more repeatedly. Most of the time, it is because the child is in the sensitive period of mouth, hands and feet. He is keen to use his mouth, hands and feet to explore the world and understand things. The scope of exploration will of course include other people's bodies, so aggressive behaviors such as "biting", "hitting" and "kicking" appear. Another reason is that he has not yet mastered the method of interpersonal interaction. When his language cannot correctly express his thoughts, he often uses impactful body movements to replace them in a hurry. He may just want to say "get out of my way" or "don't touch my things", but before he can say anything, he has already reached out to push or snatch. Children naturally love to try and repeat behaviors that produce interesting and exciting consequences and attract adult attention. The right way to do this is to make the consequences of the behavior meaningless, so that he will naturally give up. Third, aggressive behavior is a necessary growth process for most children. Most children between the ages of two and three often hit others. Adults should never say "Don't hit others" or "Why are you hitting others again?" This will not work. This makes the child think that this action can attract the attention of adults, and the hitting action will appear more and more repeatedly. Most of the time, it is because the child is in the sensitive period of mouth, hands and feet. He is keen to explore the world and understand things with his mouth, hands and feet. The scope of exploration will of course include other people's bodies, so there are aggressive behaviors such as "biting", "hitting" and "kicking". Another reason is that he has not yet mastered the method of interpersonal interaction. When his language cannot correctly express his thoughts, he often uses impactful body movements to replace them in a hurry. He may just say "Get out of my way" or "Don't touch my things", but he has already reached out to push or snatch before he speaks. Children are born to try and repeat behaviors that can produce interesting and stimulating consequences and attract the attention of adults. The right way is to make the consequences of the behavior meaningless, and he will naturally give up. Fourth, do not treat your children as circus performers. When many families have guests at home, they call their children: Come on, sing a song, dance. This is extremely disrespectful to children. Do not let your children perform in front of guests, as this will make them focus all their attention on pleasing others during their growth. If a child is often put in such an unhappy situation by his parents, it is difficult to make him outgoing and lively. So parents often say that my child is a little bully at home and a little bunny outside. Only when the child is respected enough, his behavior will be consistent inside and outside. Don't tease children casually. When others tease my children, I often refuse them bluntly: Sorry, my child doesn't like this kind of joke. Between children and face, we should choose children. Fifth, do not pass negative and pessimistic information to your child. Do not tell others about your child's "bad deeds" in front of your child. For example, many mothers often say in front of guests, "He is so timid!" "He just doesn't like to eat!" In this way, you are hinting to your child: you expect him to be such a person. He will achieve the result in the direction you expect: he must become more and more timid and less and less like to eat. Special emphasis: resolutely put an end to saying the following words: "Don't make noise, or the police will come." "If you make trouble again, the doctor will come to give you an injection." "Go to sleep quickly, the big bad wolf is coming." If you don't threaten your child like this, he will be generous, lively, cheerful, healthy and confident when he goes out. Note: Never make malicious jokes with your child, "Your mother doesn't want you anymore, she won't come to pick you up." You must keep your child away from people who say such things to your child. This kind of joke is very bad and is extremely detrimental to the construction of children's sense of security. Sixth, do not speak baby talk. Do not speak baby talk, such as "feet feet", "shoes shoes", "eat eat", or even make up some baby talk that others cannot understand. From birth, every word spoken to the child should be the mother tongue with correct grammar and standard pronunciation. The primary caregiver should use exaggerated mouth shape, clear voice, and slow speed when talking to the baby. Many children cannot distinguish between you, me and him when they are over two years old. This is also the result of adults not paying attention. In order to let children master the first, second and third person pronouns as soon as possible, mothers should use personal pronouns when communicating with their babies after they are one year old so that children can imitate. You should say more: "I will pour water for you to drink," and less "Mom pours water for the baby to drink." When the child says: "Baby's," the adult should follow up with "Yes, it's yours." When the child says something wrong, don't laugh loudly, otherwise the child will be confused by the laughter and lose the opportunity to learn. Seventh, don't tell your child to "be obedient". Let your child happily follow the rules, internalize the rules into his heart, and make it a belief that he will follow throughout his life. Various behavioral norms can be seen everywhere in China's family education and social order, but there are very few people who follow them. Why is this? As long as there is no supervision, we will break the rules, and we still have the fluke that "no one should see it?" Why is this? Breaking the rules is the child testing our bottom line, which is actually the beginning of following the rules. We should treat it with tolerance and remind him "What did you forget?" instead of criticizing him and putting pressure on him. ("Why did you forget?" You can't say it either. The two words "why" will put pressure on the child and have the meaning of blame.) At the same time, we should fully respect the child's spontaneous exploration behavior. When the child's spontaneous exploration behavior is respected by us, he will begin to abide by the rules we set for him. The internalized rules will accompany the child throughout his life, and he will abide by the internalized rules very happily and easily. |
