What should parents do when their children complain about unfairness?

The two children have been fighting over everything since they were young. They want to sleep on the left side of their mother, sit on the right side of their mother when eating out, hold their mother's hand when walking, and even say that the other person gets more when pouring water. Even if they decide by playing rock-paper-scissors, the loser will cry and make a fuss, and they end up crying together... They also often complain that their mother is unfair. What should I do?

Thank you for your hard work. In any family with siblings, you will often hear unfair words from your parents. It is really difficult for parents to be fair. Although they are all flesh and blood and parents love their children equally, it is inevitable that there will be situations where they get along or not. Studies have shown that it is better for parents to choose people who have similar traits (such as introversion) or are in the same situation (such as being the eldest child) as themselves. This is human nature and there is no need to deny it excessively. Just tell yourself mentally that both children have the same rights.

When children say it’s unfair, and that their missing parents really are unfair, they are just expressing their regret that they can’t have everything exclusively for them. It’s not your fault that you can’t satisfy them, and you should be sure that you have done a good job.

You can arrange a date with each child individually, accompany them to do what they like, or play the games they want to play. If the child talks about another sibling during the time you are with him/her, you can simply listen to him/her and say that now is the time for the two of us, and that I cherish the time I spend alone with you. Don't tell your child that you love him/her the most, you can say that both of you are my children, and that I love both of you. In order to meet the need to accompany the child individually, be sure to invite the father to cooperate so that the father and the child can establish a good parent-child relationship.

Some people will make the same throw when playing rock-paper-scissors, especially young children, who can be easily discovered by the other party. If they lose every time, they will of course be upset and think it is unfair. Therefore, you can use other methods, such as drawing lots, drawing cards, drawing colors, etc., to make the probability more equal.

Every child has different needs. For example, when pouring water, drinks, serving rice, etc., you can ask your child to help: "When mommy pours for you, I will stop when you say stop." Or after pouring two cups, ask them to see if the two cups are the same, and whether either cup needs more. After both agree, they can take one cup to drink.

Create fun experiences for two people, whether it is card games, building blocks, playing house, pretend games, riding bicycles, etc., emphasize the experience of two people having fun and helping each other. When the relationship between the two people warms up, cooperation will be greater than competition.

You can also ask each child privately what they think is unfair or fair and find out what you can do for them or what needs to be clarified.