Make good use of parental influence to grow with your children

Are there any rules for freedom? What is the role of parents when children are learning to be responsible for themselves? Being responsible is a skill, not a slogan. It is the product of life experience. Parents have the power to directly influence their children.

Direct influence is based on understanding the child and interacting with the child. The purpose is to calm the child, provide ideas, and encourage action.

Xiaoming doesn't pay much attention to cleanliness and hygiene. In the past few days, he has been watching TV reports about HINI. Some people have died and some schools have been closed. He asked his mother worriedly: Will I be infected? Will I die? It is worth affirming that children care about social phenomena and their own health. His mother accompanied him to collect information and understand the ways of HINI transmission. He found that keeping clean and washing hands frequently are important ways to protect yourself. After understanding the benefits to himself, Xiaoming is willing to practice: wash hands before eating and after going to the toilet when he gets home, and asks his mother to remind him: wash your hands! This way you won't lose your health!

The teacher suggested that Enen, a third-grader, play more table tennis, which would help improve his attention deficit. His mother also hoped that he could exercise more. However, based on past experience, whenever he heard his mother ask him to participate in an activity, he would immediately refuse. His mother didn't know how to respond. This summer, his mother decided to encourage him to have the courage to try. He said to Enen: You envy your friend who plays table tennis very well. Do you want to be as good as him and compete with him after school starts? His mother promised him that he could try to go for a day to see if he liked the teachers and environment there. If he didn't want to go, his mother wouldn't force him. Enen went there once and said that the teachers there were very good, but he didn't have any friends. His mother asked: Do you want to go? Enen decided to go for a five-day session first, and then he participated for a month.

Xiaopei, a fifth-grade student, often asks her mother to make decisions for her, such as: summer homework requires reading three books and writing a review, mom, please help me find books. Mom wants her to handle her own affairs. Xiaopei always looks aggrieved and says that you don’t love me. Mom’s desire to educate her is interpreted as indifference, and her daughter becomes more dependent, so her mother decides to change her attitude. When a classmate wants to give a birthday gift during the summer vacation, Xiaopei asks her mother again: What do you suggest I give? Mom asks back: What is your budget? What do your classmates like? Let’s go shopping in the bookstore, maybe you will have inspiration. When choosing a gift, in response to Xiaopei’s question: Is this one good? Or that one? Mom honestly shares her feelings: I think this color is beautiful, that one is very practical, etc. Later, Xiaopei chose chess and card stickers with many cute little patterns on them. Mom also found that independence is a process, and her company and sharing are catalysts to help her daughter understand herself.

True freedom comes after taking responsibility. If a child's behavior endangers the safety or rights of others, parents can ask the child to abide by the rules. Beibei, a fourth-grade student, wants to use his pocket money to buy a powerful BB gun that can shoot through paper. He is very excited. His mother is worried that he will shoot and hurt others, but he said that he will be responsible for anything that happens. His mother told him firmly: If something that can shoot through paper hits a person, it will hurt the person. This is not a toy for elementary school students. If you like shooting, we can participate in paintball shooting activities, which are safer and more exciting. In addition, Beibei and his younger brother love to quarrel and play together, fight for toys and TV. Every time they complain, they say they will take turns, but they quarrel again. The mother can't help but explode. Later, she told the two brothers: If the two of you can't play together quietly for 20 minutes, please separate. One of you will watch TV in the living room, and the other will go back to the room. When you are able to play together, you can play together. The brothers were temporarily isolated, and they experienced the taste of being alone and missed the fun of having a companion.

Xiaoxiang, a second-grade student, often catches a cold. Every time she catches a cold, she feels listless and doesn’t want to eat. Sometimes she asks her mother for fried chicken or potato chips. In the past, her mother agreed to her request because she thought it was better to have something to eat than not to have anything to eat and she couldn’t bear to see her disappointed look. However, as her illness lasted longer, her mother gradually felt that something was wrong. When she came to the OK camp this year, Xiaoxiang caught a cold again and brought a bag of fried biscuits. With the help of the teacher, her mother told Xiaoxiang that her body needed to rest when she was sick, and fried food would make her stomach more uncomfortable. With the teacher’s witness, her mother kept the bag of snacks and told her to drink more water in the next few days and eat as soon as she got better. Xiaoxiang was of course very disappointed, but after her mother and teacher affirmed that she would take care of her body and was a big kid, she gradually let it go. We grew up in traditional authoritarian education, but we are eager to cultivate a field of democratic education in the family. This ambition is applauded. Just like children do not explore alone, they have the love of their parents. On the road of family education, Youyuan also supports parents all the way.