What should I do if my child likes to talk back? Why do children like to talk back?

Many parents have trouble educating their children. How can they let their children learn to express their opinions and how can parents communicate with their children effectively? Today, let's talk about common problems in educating children. What should we do if children like to talk back? Why do children like to talk back?

Why do children love to talk back?

Why do children love to talk back? Let's listen to what the children say

Why do I talk back to my parents?

— Breaking promises —

Last week, my dad and I agreed that if I finished my homework, he would take me to Disneyland. But when I finished, he changed his mind and said, "Wait until you are in the top ten in the class. If you are not, forget it." I was really angry. Why are you adults so untrustworthy...

— Feeling aggrieved —

In fact, I only talk back when my mother misunderstands me. One time, I just wanted to help her share some housework and not let her work too hard, but I accidentally broke a bowl. My mother came over and yelled at me: "Who asked you to wash the dishes? Why don't you read a book when you have this free time?" I felt wronged and talked back to her.

— Parents don’t set a good example —

My parents never did what they asked their children to do. They told me to go to bed early, but they played mahjong outside until the early morning before coming home; they told me not to play computer games, but my mother watched Korean dramas on the computer for hours.

— Parents are overbearing —

I think my parents are too overbearing. My mother often lectures me: "I am your mother, you have to listen to me, what do you know as a child?" My God, is this reasonable?

— Always compare me with others —

They only know how to criticize me. My mother would talk about other people's children intentionally or unintentionally, such as the one next door won some award, was admitted to a key high school, etc. Why do you always say good things about others? Then you can find someone else's daughter to be your daughter!

— Talking back is expressing your thoughts —

In front of us children, parents always think they are absolutely right, omniscient, and omnipotent. In fact, I have grown up and have my own opinions. When I disagree with my parents, if I don’t talk back loudly, it will have no power at all. We should bravely speak out our own ideas.

— Hate being ordered around —

I just wanted to finish watching the second half of the TV series and go to bed immediately, but my father insisted that I turn off the TV. He also always spoke to me in a commanding tone and acted condescending, which made me very unhappy.

What to do if your child likes to talk back

It's not a bad thing for children to argue with their parents

German child psychologists believe that children who can have real arguments with their parents will be more confident, creative and sociable in the future. Hamburg psychologist Dr. Angelica Fass confirmed: "Intergenerational arguments are an important step for the next generation to become adults." The psychologist also talked about some important aspects of arguments.

1. Helps find boundaries

"Wait until we finish eating before we do it," the mother advised her son Lucas. The 9-year-old Lucas pushed his chair back angrily and said, "Why? I have something else to do, better than sitting here." Dr. Fass said that Lucas's provocation was testing the limits of his ability. Similar to this stubborn stage, arguing with parents can give children the opportunity to learn to evaluate themselves. Arguing is a way to get rid of children's directionless state, which can make them know where their abilities and boundaries are.

2. Form your own will

"Arguments help children become confident and independent," Fass says. "They feel valued and they learn how to enforce their will." Arguments also show that children are making their own way and that they notice that their parents aren't always right.

3. Conflict Coping Training

Angela wants to learn horseback riding, but her mother objects. Her mother says, "I am responsible for you." Angela retorts, "Sabine's parents are also responsible for her, but they allow her to ride a horse." Arguing has a learning effect. Children learn the art of arguing through arguing. This learning is important for children, considering that they will have arguments in the future at work and in relationships with peers.

4. Expression of love

As the saying goes, only when you love each other will you tease each other. Bickering is to show the other person that you are important to me. If a person always does not "fight" with the world, he is telling the people around him that you don't care about me.

How to deal with the habit of talking back

The following two points are measures that should be taken:

First, teach her the correct way to express herself (how to correctly leave the other party speechless instead of using sophistry, and making the other party accept it is the best).

You should take the initiative and tell your sister what common sophistry is, and that these are all wrong (tell her some logical traps, such as false dilemma, straw man fallacy, what is a topic change, etc., you don't need to Baidu these, you can search a lot on Zhihu, okay) and tell her how to communicate with people correctly. Don't wait until your sister has developed the habit of sophistry before correcting it, otherwise she will definitely be disgusted with you first, and she will think that you have ruined her hard-earned skills. Of course, this depends on your own arrangement.

Suppose this happens:

Sister: "In the Three Kingdoms, I admire two people the most. One is Kong Ming who burned down Red Cliff, and the other is Zhuge Liang who captured Meng Huo seven times."

You: "You didn't read the book carefully. Kong Ming and Zhuge Liang are two different people."

Sister: "How could that be? One's last name is Zhuge, the other's last name is Kong. They are clearly two different people."

How would you phrase it at this time? How would you tell her that the ancients used three parts of their names instead of two? How would you prevent her from making this mistake in the future?

If you let her recognize her ability to speak, and even her family members recognize her, her desire to perform will quickly shift to other things.

After teaching your sister what sophistry is, teach her what "politeness" is (you know what I mean) and what it means to save face for the other party. Then take your sister to try it a few times and let her practice and taste the sweetness.

Second, teach her to weigh and make choices (is it worth it this time, because of what she lost and what she paid in this dispute).

Next, you need to tell her that everything she does has a purpose. Does she know what she wants? Does she just like the feeling of refuting the other party, or does she feel uncomfortable with the fallacy and must correct it? Let her know whether she can convince the other party, whether it is worth it to convince the other party, how much the other party cares about this matter, and whether it is worth wasting energy on things that the other party does not care about. Is it worth making her family tired for the sake of a momentary pleasure? Let her consider how much she loves her family and weigh the gains and losses herself.

The premise of all this is: you must do the first step first! You must, must, must, make her think you are an "ally" from the perspective of "debate" before you can proceed to this step!

After these two steps, I believe that if your sister is really smart (and not just your lover's eyes seeing beauty in her), then there won't be any big problems here and you won't have to worry about anything.