Thoughts after reading "Don't Raise Your Children to Be Disgusting"

This is a passage I posted in my WeChat group after reading "Don't Raise Your Child to Be Annoying" for your reference. I hope everyone will carefully observe their baby's words and deeds, correct their habits in time, and let their baby grow up healthily and happily.

"I read this article and found several points that I think are particularly necessary to share with my grandparents. The elderly love children and think that their children are the best and most perfect. No matter what they do, they "basically" don't think they have made mistakes. However, over time, they will find some problems, and the problems have become habits. At this time, it will take a lot of effort to correct them. Therefore, the principle of Lei Lei and I is that intentional mistakes are corrected immediately once they are found, regardless of size. The baby is still young, and she can't understand the logic of the reason, so we have to use words to stop her at this stage and use actions to express our intentions. Several elderly people did not realize this. When they encountered problems, they were more likely to explain to her why it was not okay. In fact, I don't think this effect is good, especially when she is emotional. The more excited she is, the more anxious you are. She feels that she has grasped your weakness and will use it to threaten you to achieve her own goals in the future. The elderly will feel that her beloved things have been taken away, and she will cry and make a fuss, so she can't bear it and coax her to tell her why it is not okay.

For example, imagine that the baby is holding something that she likes but is a little dangerous and refuses to give it to us. What we can do is to tell her seriously that she cannot play with it, it is dangerous! Then take it away decisively, without so much explanation, because the longer this process takes, the longer she is stuck in this unhappy mood, and the more likely it is that other situations will occur, such as now she will lick the floor to anger you. But if you really take it away decisively, she will cry once or twice, knowing that you are determined to carry out the order, and resistance will not work. Soon her attention will be attracted by other things, and she will not leave the bad habit of threatening adults with crying (this problem is very common, we always have such children in public places). Let's take another example. For example, if the baby wants to eat blueberries, but she has already eaten a lot and can't eat anymore because she is about to eat, we should immediately make the blueberries disappear from her sight instead of telling her: "You can't eat blueberries now, you are about to eat, and you won't be able to eat if you eat too many blueberries" and so on. Because when we say these words, we understand that we are trying to make sense of it and hope that she understands this truth, but from her point of view, she can't understand the logical relationship between the words we say. She just keeps hearing the words "blueberries" echoing in her ears, and then she feels more aggrieved and can't let go of her emotions for a long time. These are all situations that are not conducive to helping her learn to resolve her emotions by herself. In some non-urgent situations, a gentle method is to attract her attention with other things, thereby interrupting their habitual thinking and helping them to break away from this emotion.

Our whole family should be consistent in the way that children use crying to solve problems, otherwise babies are very smart and will soon learn to cry and find grandma and grandpa to achieve their goals. The child is the treasure of the whole family. We wish to give her the best things in the world within our ability, but we also need to let her understand that the world does not revolve around her and not all needs must be met. In this way, she can slowly accept some unpleasantness and learn to deal with her emotions. In the future, when facing and solving problems, her ability to withstand pressure will be better. I think such an environment and world with joy and sorrow is normal. She will understand the joy of gain and the sadness of loss. She will be happy because of a little thing, and such a child will be happier. On the contrary, if you blindly coax the child to be happy and meet her reasonable or unreasonable demands, her needs will be very high, and it will be difficult to be satisfied over time, and she will not be so happy.

The parenting philosophy that Leilei and I have always emphasized and tried to implement is to treat the baby as an adult and regulate her behavior as much as possible. Some things that we adults think are wrong and would not do should be stopped immediately when they happen to a child for the first time. Don't let her be happy just because she is a child and you think it's fun, such as rolling her eyes mentioned at the beginning of the article, or pointing at people, poking others, etc.

I want to share some of my thoughts with you. I have met many children recently, seen some problems, and analyzed many possibilities. I was inspired to share these thoughts with you. "