How to encourage children to get closer to them

In class management, emotional conflicts are a difficult problem for teachers. How to make children willing to open up, learn to express their emotions, and give positive encouragement can narrow the distance between teachers and children.

I once talked to a group of teachers about their troubles. Many of them were troubled by conflicts. In our culture, conflicts are almost synonymous with negativity. At this time, it is most appropriate to use the principle of encouragement to resolve and transform the negative impact of conflicts.

First, we invited everyone to share what adjectives they thought of when they thought of conflict. The answers were terrible, horrible, tense, hurt, troublesome... etc. These were really negative thoughts. Then we asked everyone if conflict had any positive or proactive meaning. The teachers said one after another: conflict is an opportunity to learn, conflict is for communication, conflict can make people grow... After saying these, the teachers' horizons seemed to be opened. The teachers felt that if we look at conflict from a positive or proactive perspective, new power will be generated.

A teacher shared with me that there was a child in his class who was more impulsive and would hit others when encountering conflicts. In the past, he would tell the child not to hit others and that hitting others was wrong. He wanted to understand what was going on with the child, but he found that the child either ran away or was unwilling to face it.

How to find the positive side in this negative situation? First of all, the teacher found that the behavior of hitting others does need to be corrected, but what does the child want to say behind the hitting? Is it anger, grievance, sadness and other unspeakable emotions? Therefore, it is necessary to help the child express his emotions well instead of hitting others. Hitting others is to learn to express emotions. With this belief, the teacher has different interventions in handling the hitting incident.

When the child got into a conflict and hit someone again, the teacher would hug the child and say, "Teacher will protect you," and said to the child, "Teacher knows you may feel wronged or angry." When the child's emotions were understood, he began to tell the teacher what he had observed. The teacher was surprised that the child actually knew very well what was happening and was a fair and just child. The teacher was happy that after changing her perspective, she had deep confidence in the child's potential and problem-solving ability.

The development and correction of behavior both take time. After the teacher encouraged the child to "find the positive side in bad situations", he narrowed the distance between himself and the child. The child was willing to open his heart to discuss conflicts with him. The child's way of dealing with conflicts also changed, from hitting people less often to kicking things. The teacher believes that one day the child will be able to convert the knowledge he understands in his mind into concrete actions. This is the effectiveness and charm of the strategy of encouraging "finding the positive side in bad situations".