Men are not indifferent, they are also heartbroken on the road of infertility

Women are not the only ones who have to work hard on the road to having a child! Men also put in a lot of effort. Parents must understand each other and be in a good mood to get pregnant.

Men's mentality in preparing for pregnancy

The issue of having children seems to be based on women's perspective. After all, men will never be able to understand the hardships of pregnancy for ten months, let alone the feeling of being connected to the child in the mother's belly.

Therefore, whether pregnant or not, girls are the protagonists and the spotlight is on them. Boys are probably not even supporting roles, because doctors or mothers-in-law are supporting roles (because they often have more roles). Boys are at best just a supporting role in this process. Who cares what they think, whether they act well or badly? !

But, this role is really thankless! When a girl is pregnant, it is the beginning of a nightmare. It is basic to serve her carefully. Even if she asks you to buy fried chicken for snacks at three o'clock in the morning, it is best to buy it for her, otherwise she will love you so much that she can go back and forth three times! The girl has not been pregnant, and she asks you to get up at five in the morning to do homework, just because her body temperature is high today, she may be ovulating, and you still have to do it with all your might!

The parents-in-law will definitely greet you, and the boy will go from being a supporting actor to being a screenwriter! When you are pregnant, you don’t want your parents-in-law to care too much, but you also want your wife to have more rest, so you can’t go back to her parents-in-law’s house. The boy will say, “She’s been exhausted from work lately, and has to work overtime on weekends. It’s too hard, so I want her to rest at home” (in order to protect her face, you must not say that she wants to rest, but that I forced her).

If you are not pregnant, everyone around you will be concerned about you. The guy will jump out and say, "You can live comfortably with your partner, and you don't have to save money to leave something for the next generation, so why do you have to have a baby?"

So men have a lot of roles to play, and they play them to death. It’s okay to be sandwiched in the middle, but sometimes they are so tight that they are tied up like a meat dumpling! Yes, it’s hard to breathe, and the pressure is so great that it feels like ten jade mountains are on your shoulders. You even envy the homeless people on the roadside, who only need to worry about what to eat today, and don’t have to face the chain reaction brought by a series of marriages... But, I am happy to do it and I am willing to accept it, so accept it!

The journey of a man preparing for pregnancy

I loved children before I got married, so after I got married, when my mother wanted to have children, I would of course fully cooperate. My crazy cooperation included taking the early morning high-speed train to sow seeds, and then returning to work immediately. It also included doing homework desperately from Monday to Sunday after get off work or in the early morning.

These manual labors were actually the easiest. After a year of intensive labor, the most difficult mental journey began, of course, the ups and downs of Ban's mood and her desperate desire to have a child!

Ban Ma started taking her temperature every day. Her mood was basically the same as the line chart she made. I wish she could have a fever every day, so that she would be in a very high mood. If she had a fever, she would probably forget about wanting to get pregnant. Of course, diligently taking her temperature did not make her pregnant smoothly, so she went for various tests, and the results were all normal. She looked at me with narrowed eyes and said with deep doubt: The problem is not with you! In order to prove my male dignity, I also went for a sperm test, and the results of the test proved that my dignity is still alive. However, I later discovered that many male friends around me are actually so resistant to this matter, thinking that sperm testing will hurt them, although I still don’t know where the injury is?

The examination showed no problem, and Ban's mother couldn't bear the fever every day, so she started thinking about artificial insemination. Finally, this part came to fruition. When I knew that Ban's mother was pregnant, my tears were like a waterfall. I kept telling her congratulations and thank you for your hard work, because she insisted on one thing so persistently for more than a year, even though she encountered so many difficulties in the process, she never gave up. I appreciate her efforts and feel even more distressed for her hard work.

The first time I experienced the feeling of being a father, it was probably like the word "cool" was magnified to the entire screen. Even if I was criticized by my boss every day at work, I could smile and say thank you for his advice. Yes, it was really that cool! At that time, I followed my mother every day to imagine what to prepare for my son. Even though the financial pressure would increase later, the "sweet burden" can explain my mentality at that time. I was happy with it.

It was a long way to heaven. It took more than a year to reach the entrance, but eight weeks later, we fell into hell. This hell was so deep that we might never be able to climb out! After Banban left, we were like zombies. Apart from eating, drinking, defecating and urinating, we spent the rest of our time thinking about Banban, regretting that we couldn't keep him, and complaining about why God was so cruel to us. Ban's mother cried every day. As her partner, I couldn't help at all. On the one hand, I was immersed in pain, and on the other hand, I hated my own incompetence. The low pressure was so great that I didn't know if time was still moving...

Men will cry, feel sad, and their hearts will ache. The outward strength is what society teaches us, not something we are born with. Men recover from pain faster, but even if the pain lingers, the family will fall forever if men don’t stand up. Banban’s departure is indeed just like what Ban’s mother said, no one understands, and no one even cares.

But after all, there are still some women who can understand, but no one among men can understand... I have no friends to talk to, no one understands. When I heard that Banban had passed away, I only saw the doctor's mouth moving but could not hear any sound, and my mind was blank. No one understands how much pain Banban's passing brought me, so painful that I could cry every day, wake up in the middle of the night and write to Banban to tell him how much I miss him. Really, no man knows, or it should be said that such a topic will not appear in male conversations, because they may not know why their wives would be so sad if they experienced these things!

Failed pregnancy preparation

After Banban left, Ban's mother's desire for a child became even more intense and even obsessive. She would feel resentful when she saw other people's children, she would feel that the world was so unfair when she saw other people's pregnancy, and she even doubted her faith! I was very worried, and I was even more afraid that she would no longer be happy from then on, or that she would not be able to look at everything in this world optimistically. Ban's mother's mentality began to put more pressure on me, because we still saw my one-year-old nephew very often, and I would still play with him happily, but Ban's mother didn't want to have any contact with him at all.

In order to prevent such a thing from happening again, and to make Ban's mother give up the idea of ​​having children, I thought! I'd better go for "vasectomy"... "Vasectomy" should be the most effective way I have ever thought of to end it all. Instead of letting Ban's mother expect and then be disappointed, I might as well let her lose all hope and despair at once, and eliminate the 0.001% chance at the same time, so that we can return to the married life we ​​should have, instead of being hysterical every day, laughing ten seconds ago and breaking down and crying ten seconds later for a hope that we don't know whether it will come true! We are not actors, let alone professional clowns. This contradictory life is not what we should live, and it is not what we should choose!

In fact, the biggest reason why the idea of ​​vasectomy was implanted in my mind was probably a sentence that Banban’s mother said to me after he passed away. This sentence made my heart, which was beating so fast, turn into mud and stone in an instant, and shattered at the slightest touch!

If it weren't for having a child, I wouldn't want to get married at all!" When people encounter setbacks or even despair, the degree of hurt they say is definitely more painful than being stabbed by a machete a hundred times, because it is a heart-wrenching pain! It turns out that to Ban's mother, I am just a tool for sowing seeds! Although we never made any vows, the promises we made when we got married were completely overturned by these short 19-word motto.

The chain reaction of negative thoughts came like a domino being pushed down. Marriage is so fake. Some people do it to hide their true intentions, some do it to prove that they are wanted, and some do it just for future benefits. I didn’t expect that some people do it just to have a child! No matter how many exclamation marks I put, I can’t express how shocked I was at that moment. Although I still think that Ban’s mother is not so superficial, because if she really wants a child, at least she will find one with better genes. If she chooses me, it will be too disappointing!

However, no matter how angry I was, no matter how heartbreaking Ban's mother's words were, I was the one who couldn't make the decision to get sterilized. Every time I saw a father holding his daughter's hand or his son sitting on his shoulders on the street, could it be that I would never get such simple happiness in my life?

Indeed! Unwillingness will always drive a person to move forward recklessly. The best example is Ban Ma! In order to get pregnant, she read thousands of articles and made herself as knowledgeable as an obstetrician and gynecologist, except that she could not see patients. Otherwise, if she continued like this, Ban Ma might really become the top authority in obstetrics and gynecology.

In order to have a baby, she worked hard to take care of her body and drank a lot of Chinese medicine, which was flowing in her blood (because even if she didn't drink the Chinese medicine, I could still clearly smell the strong smell of Chinese medicine on her body). Her persistence made me have great respect for her, but her stubbornness on this matter also made me want to slap her ten thousand times, hoping that she would wake up soon!

Yes, the road to pregnancy is what makes couples have such contradictory conflicts. The husband fully supports his wife, but makes his wife too paranoid. The wife is grateful for her husband's help, but often says "What do you men know!" The worst thing is that it is as difficult to communicate on this matter as it is to find Ben's father to be the male lead in "Mission Impossible 5"! In short, one party must compromise, and this time the person who compromised was me... Even now, I still think that Ben's mother's words are really 78.

After the Banban incident, everything went back to square one. It was a long road again, and it was a road with no end in sight. During this process, many of my thoughts were brainwashed by Ban's mom. At first, I didn't care that other people kept asking when they were going to have children. I just thought they couldn't find a topic to talk about, so they just asked casually. But gradually, my thoughts became the same as Ban's mom's, and I would try hard to change the topic. If the other person still blurted out the question, I would immediately roll my eyes and say in my heart, "It's none of your business!"

Moreover, I really hate to hear the word "infertility"! Unless the uterus is removed, which doctor in the world dares to tell you directly and 100% that you will never get pregnant? I don't want to play word games, but "infertility" should be equivalent to not getting pregnant. Since no doctor can judge so confidently, why do we say it is infertility? If you really can't get pregnant, why do doctors encourage artificial insemination or test tubes? So in theory, you should be able to get pregnant, it's just a matter of probability or early or late, so it's not "infertility". If you want to be more precise, it should be "delayed pregnancy".

I would rather choose my own statement, because I am a diabetic patient, and the doctor can tell me categorically that diabetes will not be cured. This is a judgment, a judgment that makes you completely give up. But for pregnancy, unless it is a special case, there is no judgment. It is also because there is no judgment that we have made so much effort and persisted so much, because we want to redress, no matter how slim the chance is...

For girls, pregnancy is a cycle that ends, if you don't win, then you have to wait for the next cycle. For boys, what they remember is not the process, but the result. The lottery day has come, if you don't win, well, then keep working hard, the next lottery day will come soon. Simply put, a girl's pregnancy is like a boy's military service. When a boy is serving in the army, the girl is out there having a good time. Time flies by in the blink of an eye, and she can't even believe that the boy will be discharged so soon.

When a girl is waiting for pregnancy, she feels like she is waiting for ten years every day. Although not every couple needs to go through this process, my mother and I are more grateful than resentful about the journey of "late pregnancy" because we can tolerate each other better and know more clearly how couples should support each other and overcome every obstacle when they encounter setbacks and difficulties.

At least! We know clearly that we long for a child, and our hearts are strong enough to endure these psychological and physical tortures, which means that we will really use every cell in our body to love the child, and it is definitely not spoiling! Because we will share these experiences with him, so that he will know how to appreciate and cherish us! Although I am not Professor Ye, I can't say any great truths, but cynicism only deepens the pain of these processes. If even "living" is so tiring, how can we persist on this road? (Of course, it would be best if there were immediate results. Who wants to persist forever!)

So, no matter if you are a boy or a girl, no matter what the difference in thinking is, the process is definitely shared by both parties, and the result is definitely shared by both parties. Yes, it is really tiring and hard, but! This is our choice, and we really have to learn how to treat it with joy! The road will definitely have an end! Come on!

Private Message

It turns out that Ban's father is so thoughtful, but he just doesn't show it usually. I always thought that he was as passionate as a man when he was trying to have a child, but I didn't expect that many things were just unspoken. In fact, the other half has always seen our hard work and felt sorry for us. We should all be grateful for having such a good other half, grateful that on this difficult road like the road to heaven, there is someone to support us and a shoulder to lean on and cry. As Ban's father said, we chose to walk this road together, so we must be willing to share the joys and sorrows together. God is watching us, and one day it will bear fruit!