Is corporal punishment really effective? The harm of corporal punishment of children

Many parents still follow the principle of spanking and scolding their children if they are disobedient, using their authority to intimidate their children. In fact, this not only fails to achieve the desired effect, but will push the children further away. If you spank them too much, they will no longer be afraid. Is corporal punishment really effective?

When scolding a child, explain the reason clearly before scolding him.

The young perpetrator and his younger brother also had happy moments when they were young. The family gathered happily and played cards, but their parents' education became stricter and stricter. The younger brother mentioned that one time during a meal, his mother was furious with "that person" (his elder brother). Halfway through the meal that day, the emotional mother spread out a newspaper and poured rice, vegetables, and miso soup on it. "That person" cried while eating the food that looked like leftovers on the newspaper.

It is important to reprimand children when necessary. However, do not give them excessively sad memories. What is worse in this family is that they let the reprimanded child eat the food on the newspaper while crying.

It would be OK if the child who is treated like this would cry and run back to his room, or get angry and talk back. Children who cannot disobey their parents and can only say sorry and obey their parents will completely bear their parents' emotions when they are unreasonable. Especially the eldest son and daughter are most likely to be directly affected by their parents' such influence.

Moreover, according to what my younger brother said in his diary, when parents are angry, they never explain the reason, but just scold people fiercely. From the parents' perspective, they may want their children to reflect on themselves spontaneously, and this method of scolding their children may be effective in making their children obedient, but it also brings them strong anxiety.

Many parenting books suggest that when you scold your child, you should explain the reason clearly before scolding him...

The terrible side effects of corporal punishment

This family also physically punishes the child. Although it is impossible to determine whether there is intense daily violence such as "abuse", the child has indeed experienced being beaten by the father. The mother also does this. When the child does not respond in the way she wants, it is common for the mother to be slapped.

Corporal punishment is a convenient method. If you want to make very young children obedient, corporal punishment is an effective means. But we must be careful, because effective medicines are often accompanied by powerful side effects.

First of all, the relationship between the person who punishes others and the person who is punished will become bad.

Secondly, generally speaking, parents also learn how to communicate with their children and make them obedient while raising them. But once they get used to the powerful means of corporal punishment, they will not know how to use other methods.

Parents can also grow gradually in the process of trying various educational methods. It is impossible to cultivate the ability to educate and communicate with children by only using corporal punishment.

The more terrible side effect of corporal punishment is that even if parents want to teach their children the right things, the children will learn that "it's okay to use violence when necessary." The young man who perpetrated the Akihabara incident began to use violence against his mother when he reached puberty.

Most teenagers who are violent toward their family members have experienced corporal punishment as children.

Explanation and communication instead of prohibition and punishment

I often hear many parents yelling in public.

The child climbed high, and the parents said: No! !

The child jumped up and down, and the parents said: No! !

The child plays with fire, and the parents say: No!

The child tore up the book, and the parents said: No! !

Finally, the book is torn, the child falls, the fire is set, and the child chases you, running faster and faster until you can’t catch him. You find that the louder you yell, the farther the child runs. In fact, the child doesn’t know what you are yelling at. The child doesn’t understand what the parents are scolding. He just becomes more and more naughty and uncontrollable, and the parents can only become more and more crazy in public.

In fact, parents need to learn the following tricks:

Replace prohibition with "explanation" and replace punishment with "communication". When you want to yell at your child, explain the "reason" to the child instead.

For example:

Children, climbing is very dangerous. Children, burns are very painful. Children, you cannot read a book if it is torn. Children, be polite when speaking to your parents. Children, running on the road may cause you to be hit by a car and lose your life.

Learning to communicate with children is more useful than yelling at them. Don’t use excessive prohibitive and scolding tones. When children keep hearing adults say that this is not allowed and that is not allowed, they will become "deaf to everything" and even be naughty enough to drive you crazy.

Parents might as well explain “firmly but briefly” why you say no, then you don’t have to be a crazy parent anymore, and the child will change his or her wrong behavior because he or she “understands” what you mean, and will be grateful in his or her heart. When parents do the right thing, the child will become gentle and polite.